Bean Berries: hannah

Like Hannah in the Old Testament, I prayed for a son. Unlike Hannah, I was not barren and had every reason to feel happy and blessed. It was 1992, and I was a mommy to 2 1/2 year old Molly and 1 year old Callie. I had two precious little girls that I loved and adored, and yet like Hannah, my heart yearned for something more. A little boy. In my selfishness prayed, petitioned GOD to please, if it be HIS will, let us have a little boy to add to our family. In GOD's infinite wisdom, He chose to grant my request. Before I even conceived, God promised that I would have a son. On March 12, 1993, Levi James was added to our family. Throughout the pregnancy I had continually told other's of God's promise to me. Even though I had no sonogram, no genetic testing, I was convinced, because of God's promise, that I would have a baby boy. Others doubted, but I knew.

Tonight my recently-turned-17 year old son came to me and we had a conversation unlike any we have had before. Without going into too many details, I let my children down in a really big way a little over 4 years ago. It culminated in the divorce of the family they had come to know. I changed their world beyond anything I can even comprehend. Although God has forgiven me for the mistakes and sins I committed during that time, and even though I have sought my children's forgiveness, I have a hard time forgiving myself. My children still bear the hurts and the scars of that time. Speaking only from my own experience, there is a reason GOD has a plan or marriage to be the way He says. That is for a different post. Anyway, my son and I had a very emotional and grown-up conversation tonight. While my heart is aching for him in several ways, I want to say that my son is an amazing young man.

While he is not perfect, he is growing up to be someone I can say I'm proud to know. Only because God has chosen in His matchless grace to bless me, do I have an intelligent, hard-working, thoughtful son. He is nearing the end of his junior year in high school and he has major decisions to make in the next months and upcoming school year. Only God knows the perfect plan He has laid out for my son. Please join me in praying for this young man that I love beyond measure.